Your Political Rant Sucks: The Sex-Box Race for President

…okay, you KNOW you’ve got some comedy GOLD when some crazy political nutjob writes an article called “The Sex-Box Race for President”. I am dead serious. That’s the article title.

After getting a comic making fun of him in Penny Arcade, I decided to look the article up only to find that the writer has removed it. Of course, it’s been mirrored everywhere and you can see yourself a copy right here:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1952968/posts

XD I’m sorry but this article is SO incredibly false that it’s FUNNY! The wording sounds like the stereotypical “guy who doesn’t get this newfangled technology” and he’s managed to botch practically every point. But then again, from a guy who writes such great things as “Why Liberals Make Terrible Parents”, I guess such hilarious misinformed intolerance is to be expected.

The article is about, believe it or not, Mass Effect. You know, the high-quality sci-fi action RPG from Bioware (who are now making the Sonic RPG)? Yeah. The guy actually acts as though the game were some high-tech sex simulator and that everything else in the game doesn’t matter. You wanna talk about selective listening! YEESH!

Let’s go over afew wonderful highlights from this awesome article:

“I know that they all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys.”
This is how the article opens and I gotta say: Yes, they DO have more important things to campaign on. Also, the game is rated M so that’s SUPPOSED to be 18+.

“It’s called “Mass Effect” and it allows its players – universally male no doubt – to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the shape, form, bodies, race, hair style, breast size of the images they wish to “engage” and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game “persons” hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of.”
Bwa-HUH?! I’ve played the game for a good 10-15 hours and I haven’t seen anything LIKE that! As it ends up, with the right choices, you can get some sex scenes so un-explicit they could be shown on the Disney Channel to play. Seriously, I’ve seen worse in an episode of Pokemon! (“A Better Pill to Swallow” specifically! XD YOU know what I’m talking about and if you don’t, the moment I find that episode, you will.) I only know this, of course, because of some YouTube links I found in reference to this article. If you’re wondering:

Yeah. Ida could view that and she’d only blush alittle bit. I think that should say something.

“Starting with the disgusting idea that one can “create” their own versions of what people look like, removing warts, moles, and bald spots while enhancing – shall we say – the extended features of the game’s characters tends to objectify women, sex, and human relationships. Right? We can all agree on this?”
What? Create-A-Characters are disgusting now? Also, there’s no body shape options in the character customization.

“Then there’s the dishonesty behind the game’ title. “Mass Effect” sounds like a war game with a deadly virus that is spreading unless the GI-Joes are able to defeat the evil and deadly substance and it’s covert war plan. By it’s design, kids could ask for it, or for their parents’ Best Buy Card to go purchase it with nary a raised eye-brow. Generic, non-descriptive, and relatively harmless.”
Actually…umm…that kinda IS what happens. Well, rogue mechanical beings called The Geth are killing up a storm and you have to stop them, but the title is far from dishonest.

“But it IS marketed for the X-Box 360, perhaps the most visually stimulating gaming system ever made. The software for such allows the blending of DVD video, component graphics, and the manipulation of actual pictures so that an alternate reality engulfs the fifteen year old boy playing it without much objection.”
Woah woah woah…so my 360 can turn me into Captain N? WHY WAS I NOT TOLD OF THIS!

“If a pre-teen, teen, young adult, or adult male plays such a game in which the women DO submit without choice, are made to appear as Barbie streetwalkers, and perform whatever act can be imagined, what’s to stop that same male from assuming that the women in his “other world” shouldn’t be forced to do the same.”
Well let’s see…it probably has something to do with the fact that MOST PEOPLE can separate fantasy from reality, not to mention most women could kick my ass.

And now the winning quote of the article:
“And because of the digital chip age in which we live – “Mass Effect” can be customized to sodomize whatever, whoever, however, the game player wishes.

With it’s “over the net” capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away.”
XD “Digital Chip Age”?! MY GOD THIS MAN HAS NO DAMN CLUE WHAT HE’S TALKING ABOUT! XD

“Yes there will be many snickers(…)”
Well he’s right about THAT! XD

…and so, I was amused. For those that care he DID write a response to some gamers here:
http://kevinmccullough.townhall.com/blog/g/ad4fece3-3a1e-42bd-8546-295599024191
but…

#1) Many of the people he was arguing with didn’t really argue so much as spam and whine. I hate to admit it but not every gamer will be mature in the face of madness. Besides, there probably were many rather young people hopping on the spam bandwagon and that DID gum things up quite a bit.

#2) He seems to be going with a “LALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” response, using YouTube videos as proof.

Regardless, this was simply a blog post from a crazed political madman. He is no Jack Thompson II: Elected Boogaloo. No, he’s just some crazy dude on the internet just the same as me, simply from the parallel universe of politics. Still, that was hilarious! XD

I didn’t think ANYBODY would seriously use the term “Sex-Box”! XD

Advertisements
Explore posts in the same categories: Your Review Sucks!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: