Your Review Sucks (SuperOld): EyeToy Groove (IGN)

(NOTE: This is reposted from my VERY VERY OLD website “Fruity Jell-O Gaming”)

Source Review :

Overall this is one of IGN’s better reviews, but that’s because it doesn’t really say much of anything. Either way, it’s probably the best review IGN has done in years, but even still there are afew quotes that manage to make my head hurt. Not really a bad review like the rest of the YRS reviews, but it has afew oddball quotes that I’d like to address…

While it doesn’t have the in-depth gameplay of other rhythm games like DDR Max: Dance Dance Revolution, it provides a solid party experience.

…In-Depth gameplay of DDR?! What the fuck?! Why in the hell does everyone consider DDR to be the “Dancing Game Messiah”!? I enjoy it, sure, but Depth it did not have. IT’S HITTING FUCKING ARROWS IN TIME WITH THE MUSIC JUST LIKE 75% OF ALL DANCING GAMES! And hey! Guess what? EYETOY:GROOVE IS JUST LIKE THAT TOO! Personally, I’d take Bust-A-Groove and Cool Cool Toon over DDR any day. (Especially 4-player Dance Summit on Surround Sound ^-^)

The only way to keep the game going further is to create some super-tricky moves with the Dance Move Maker, but that’s about it. The overall feeling is still more of an extension of Play than a game in and of itself.

Might I ask what sets Groove and DDR apart here from feeling like a “complete game”? I mean, all Groove needs is better music and more songs maybe. (Read: Buy the Japanese version. It’s fucking awesome!)

The full mix of each song can be heard at all times and although this provides a good soundtrack for a party, it shows off another area where the game could have been made more interactive. In Parappa the Rapper, the music changes in relation to how good the player is doing and there’s a satisfying feeling when the full mix of the music is going on. Not only would this feature let dancers know how well they’re doing without needing to look at their current grade, it would provide an extra incentive for getting a good score and keeping the beat .

Oh yes, yes! This is a GREAT idea…except for the whole “having to get the artists to come in and record BAD versions of their songs” part which would cost an assload of money for very little extra. I mean, you could IN THEORY cut the vocals or change sound quality…but I doubt that would work. Just…quit trying to come up with ideas, IGN, please.

Okay, so the body was pretty good and I agree with the 7.5 rating okay (I give the Japanese version an 8 for having better music in my opinion, but some may prefer the U.S. music), but the reasoning…

7.0 Presentation

The interface is simple and easy to use, but having to wave your hands in the air to move through the menus can get tiresome.

…you know, because we’ll completely ignore that you can plug in a damn controller and use that for navigation. Honestly I thought the menus were impossible to navigate without the controller. Also, why didn’t they mention the horrific load times? THERE’S NOTHING TO LOAD! That’s MY gripe!

4.0 Graphics

It’s mostly video from the webcam and even that looks a little blurry.

…so we give it a 4.0 OH COME ON NOW! A 5 at least! *shakes head*

So yeah, there ya’ go. Overall a nice review when you read it, but those few quotes managed to break my brain enough that I felt they needed to be posted.

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