Your Review Sucks (SuperOld): Gotcha Force (GameSpot)

(NOTE: This is reposted from my VERY VERY OLD website “Fruity Jell-O Gaming”)

Original Review Source : http://www.gamespot.com/gamecube/action/gotchaforce/index.html?q=Gotcha+Force

Let me start by saying that Gotcha Force is a wonderful game on Gamecube by Capcom that I like to call “Everything Virtual On MARZ should have been”. It’s not flashy, it’s graphics are almost N64-ish and the framerate does drop in multiplayer and there is slowdown, but the game is so much fun that it easily overshadows that. Basically, imagine Virtual On with collectable toys and made to work without Twin Sticks and you’ve got Gotcha Force. Making the game even better is the variety of characters: There’s 209 different Gotcha Borgs and they’re all different. Some are Ninjas, Angels, or standard mechs, while other are Airplanes, Tanks, and flying space fortresses. Even better: Afew of them are transformable! Yes,rare borgs like the “Victory King” can transform from a Giant Robot into a tank OR an Airplane! There’s also alternate colors (alternate, silver, gold, and shadow. Not sure but there might be more) for all the borgs! The emphasis is obviously on collecting. There’s also a trading option and 4-player goodness. But enough ranting about the game let’s see what Gamespot has to say…

…they rate it 5.0 and say…

Gotcha Force crutches itself far too heavily on brainless, clunky, and spastic action that doesn’t so much entertain as it bewilders.

…fuck. You’re a moron aren’t you? Sure everyone’s entitled to their own opinions, but…bewildered?! Sure it’s confusing at first, but the controls are very simple and after the first 2 battles you have the hang of the game…did you PLAY the first two battles?

If imitation is indeed the sincerest form of flattery, then Pokemon has to have some of the highest self-esteem of any game franchise around. Over the years, a myriad of different imitators have tried to re-create the monster training, trading, and collecting formula that Pokemon essentially turned into a phenomenon. Capcom has now become the latest company to tip its hat to Pokemon with its development of Gotcha Force for the GameCube .

Okay, thankyou for telling us what we already know, but does EVERY game with collecting aspects have to be considered a “Pokemon Rip-off”?!

Gotcha Force revolves around a group of anime-faced kids who command not monsters, but tiny robots who are out to save or destroy the world .

Anime-faced kids?! What the fuck?! Yes they are drawn in anime style but…never mind…it’s a silly complaint. What the hell kind of comment is “anime faced kids” anyway? I dunno that phrase is just awkward sounding.

Gotcha Force’s gameplay is decidedly more action-oriented than its monster-training inspiration and actually seems to draw the bulk of its influence from Capcom’s Power Stone series .

WHAT?! POWER STONE?! It’s NOTHING LIKE POWER STONE! (IGN said the same thing…I’ll do THAT mess later…)

Unfortunately, Gotcha Force really doesn’t emulate Pokemon or Power Stone very well .

Woah woah woah…lemme get this straight: This game is like a combination of Pokemon and Powerstone…but it’s nothing like Pokemon OR Powerstone?!

…you’re fired.

Instead, it comes off as a pale, perfunctory imitation of both that crutches itself far too heavily on brainless, clunky, spastic action that doesn’t so much entertain as it bewilders

OOH! LOOK! WE CAN USE BIG WORDS! IT MAKES US LOOK SMART! Someone grab me a fucking dictionary and find out what the fuck “Perfunctory” means. It sounds like a combination of “Perfection” and “Defunct” and thus doesn’t make any sense. Perfunctory…moving right along…

Here’s a picture caption:

Gotcha Force is equal parts Pokemon and Power Stone, though it doesn’t reflect the better aspects of either.

Once again, this just MIGHT be caused by the fact that the game is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LIKE EITHER OF THEM! Dammit! One guy who came over didn’t even play the game but the second it popped up on screen he said “Wow! This is just like Virtual On!”…why can’t anyone else see this? And where the flying fuck are they getting fucking Power Stone from?!

As there are more than 280 different Borgs you can collect in Gotcha Force

Where did you get that number? Seriously. Where did you get 280? And how is 209 more than 280? Maybe you meant to type “More than 208 borgs”? or maybe you meant to type “I’m a fucking moron”. Okay okay, so I’m being alittle harsh here, either way…

Every type of Borg in the game has its own unique form of attack, but most of them are just variations on the same basic hack-and-slash, projectile attack, and dash-attack moves .

Hmm…so every Borg is exactly like the starting Borg? Or are you secretly saying that’s the only borg you used. Honestly, I never saw Battle Girl’s “Dash Attack”! Please, tell me where it is! *bash head into wall*

Everything during combat moves at an extremely feverish pace, so basically, the only real strategy to your attacks should involve locking on to the enemy closest to you, hitting the attack buttons as many times as you can until the enemy’s dead, and then allowing the game to auto-lock on to the next enemy for you. Then, just lather, rinse, and repeat until the next opponent is dead. As the game goes on, enemies do get a bit harder, but really, all you have to do is just occasionally dodge their slightly more-focused and damaging attacks, which, all told, isn’t hard at all.

…okay, someone CLEARLY only played the first 2 or 3 battles. This works for those first few battles, but it gets harder and once your in mid-game it’s pretty damn hard.

Ultimately, the biggest challenge in Gotcha Force’s combat comes from just trying to figure out what the heck is going on at any given point. Gotcha Force is incredibly fast-paced, but more often than not, this speed serves less to keep things exciting and serves more to just completely obliterate whatever attention span you might have had going into the game .

ADD? Yes. Much.

It’s only confusing for *gasp* The first 2 or 3 battles! Once you figure out how things work, it’s easy to understand!

On top of its abrupt movements, the camera also has an inconceivably dumb habit of moving underneath the floor of the battle environment, as well as getting stuck in some really awful angles. This was seemingly intended to make targeting airborne enemies a little easier, but what it actually succeeds in doing is adding the final straw that breaks an already shallow, obnoxious, and deeply unhinged gameplay experience .

Dot Dot McFuckingDot! WHAT THE HELL! Yes, let’s conveniently forget to mention that the floor and any objects the camera goes behind become TRANSPARENT! Gah! And how exactly does this break the gameplay?! The camera system is very simple to comprehend: It’s behind you and pointing at your targeted enemy. FUCKING SIMPLE! You completely understand the camera by…oh, say…the third battle.

The one unique thing about the versus mode is that it also lets you input multiple memory cards, so your friends can use their own custom Gotcha Borg teams in battle .

…how unique.

There are more than 280 Borgs to collect in the game, and they’re all pretty unique-looking.

…okay, maybe he really DID mean 280…

Gotcha Force’s graphics aren’t much worth praising either. Aside from the aforementioned camera problems, the game’s method of animation lends itself to the incoherency of the combat as well. Your Borgs move around in a pretty stuttery fashion, and a lot of their move and attack animations just don’t look very good at all.

WATE WUT?! All my Borgs animated just fine…are you SURE you’re playing the right game?

The excuse could be made that because Gotcha Force is a game that’s primarily aimed at younger kids, its flaws aren’t as important .

AND WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THAT IDEA?! Because it’s on Gamecube and happens to feature kids as the main characters? C’mon man! It’s not “Aimed at a younger audience” you fucking moron!And how are flaws less important in a children’s game anyway? What? Don’t kids deserve good games?! Idiot.

In reality, however, it’s really hard to find anything to like about Gotcha Force, regardless of age .

I dunno, me and all my freinds, including the really picky ones, all seem to love this game. Hell! The I-No user (who’s notoriously picky) is fucking obsessed with it! (It’s good he found another game to play se he can take a 1 or 2 hour GUilty Gear break…I was afraid his Arcade Stick would liquify…)

There’s just not enough here to appeal to anyone who isn’t a serious hardcore monster/robot/monster-robot collection fan, and even if you are, there are far better choices available .

Sure there is, you’re just being a moron and failing to understand the gameplay at all!

…so in short, you’re fired.

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One Comment on “Your Review Sucks (SuperOld): Gotcha Force (GameSpot)”

  1. Gryzor Says:

    Wow, this is pretty much how all of us felt when this game came out to such a harsh response from everyone but those who actually got it. Confusion, anger, etc.; but that’s what happens when a great game gets collectively shat on by critics and then ends up buried in obscurity.

    Runs were short and the game quickly became hard to find… and what would’ve made a hell of a franchise dies on the starting gate. Fuck you, IGN, fuck you Gamespot, fuck all of you in the position to give a great little, obscure game like this the push it desrved; but couldn’t see past the bright colors and a ‘kiddy’ exterior.

    It simply didn’t deserve the shitty critical treatment it got *one bit*. I still say it’s easily one of the best multiplayer games on Gamecube and one of the system’s ‘classics’ for sure.

    It’s not just the multiplayer that’s great, either. If you’re a fiend for collecting things, you will be playing this a long, long time. All these years later and I still don’t have every borg! :)


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