Your Review Sucks: We Cheer 2 (GamePro)

Well as you’re no doubt aware, We Cheer 2 is a bit of a pet title for me and as such I am keeping my eye on the reviews and sure enough, GamePro gave it their review with a 2.5/5. Why? Because it’s a music game on Wii.

I really wish I was kidding.

http://www.gamepro.com/article/reviews/213038/we-cheer-2/

Yeah they opted for a SeanBaby-style “Funny review from guy who doesn’t care” (always irked me how whenever SeanBaby reviewed a music game he just said “LOL SIMON!” and that was it). Admittedly the review has some amusing lines.

“If you’re reading this review in contemplation of purchasing We Cheer 2, it is for one of three reasons: 1) you’re a young girl with aspirations of one day bringing all the boys to the yard via your milkshake, 2) you’re a parent who believes their daughter would be interested in learning how to bring all the boys to the yard (via milkshake), or 3) you’re an idiot with a ton of time on your hands.”

Sadly these dipshits haven’t realized that they’re game reviewers and not comedians as this review contains more “comedy” than facts. Let’s find their complaint with the game shall we?

“This title is so uncomplicated, the gameplay so uninspired, that players will quickly grow tired of it regardless of their affinity for the subject. Basically, the game will ask a player to mimic the arm movements of an on-screen cheerleader, and then it awards points for how closely he or she was able to emulate said cheerleader. And that is We Cheer 2.”

…umm…yes? Are you NEW here?! Have you never played DDR?! Seriously, what part of this surprises you! YES. Hold Wiimotes in each hand, mimic on-screen cheerleaders! WHAT MORE DO YOU FUCKING WANT!? Seriously. Tell me. How do you make this a deeper cheerleading experience?

He does have one other complaint thought:

“Also, you’d think that a game which simply had to follow the action of a troop of minimally-detailed cheerleaders on a stage could probably boast some decent graphics. Unfortunately, the aesthetics are horrible — muddy textures and chunky environments abound.”

Okay, do your eyes not work or are you comparing this to a 360 game? Seriously. Chunky? WHAT’S CHUNKY! It looks FINE! Heck it’s one of the BETTER looking games on Wii!

He also complained about it being too easy and how he could beat it while sitting down. He clearly never tried Hard mode. Then again considering the reviewer ALSO never mentioned other difficulty levels, Work Out mode, Squad Challenge mode, the depth of the customization, multiplayer, or…well really ANYTHING else…yeah…

“CONS: It’s like playing Simon Says with a Simon that never attempts to fool you and is really into teeny-bop pop”
So it’s a Music Game.

“if the graphics were a person, her ugliness would prevent her from making the squad; controls aren’t precise enough”
So it’s on Wii.

Congratulations, you literally gave the game a bad review for existing.

Your magazine. Give it to me. You’re all fired.

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