Your Review Sucks: We Cheer 2 (IGN)

http://wii.ign.com/articles/104/1043138p1.html

It’s a short one this time folks because the review it’s self is short. Infact, it basically flat-out discredits it’s self RIGHT OFF THE BAT! See, here’s their main complaint:

“While I have to admit that I was surprised by the amount of fun I had with We Cheer 2, its frustratingly inaccurate controls won’t help it win over many fans. “

Alright, that’s a touch hard to swallow considering how much the controls have improved and been made more lenient, I’ve had absolutely NO issues at all with them! Then again this isn’t much of a surprise when you consider the next line. Here it is folks, the only line in the review that matters:

“Your quest for cheering dominance begins with a lengthy tutorial. It explains basic movements, stunt time and free cheering in depth. Not wanting to get bogged down by the influx of text-based dialogue from one cheerleader to my character, I skipped most of it.

That’s right, the reviewer just flat-out SKIPPED the tutorial and then declared that the controls suck and gave up. While I appreciate the honesty, this just goes to show exactly how much effort went into this review! Rather than thinking “Maybe I missed something, let’s review the tutorial” the guy just flat-out skipped it at the beginning, tried to play, then whined that the controls didn’t work. It gets worse though:

“Sometimes the game wouldn’t respond to my seemingly accurate movements and other times it would tell me to speed up or slow down when neither were actually needed.”

*headdesk* Bitch, the game is TELLING YOU that you’re doing it wrong and your response is “Naw! You’re lying! I’m awesome!”?! NO YOU FUCKING NEANDERTHAL, YOU *DO* NEED TO SPEED UP/SLOW DOWN! IT’S MOTHERFUCKING TELLING YOU THAT! But YOU choose to just not listen and bitch about it! GAH!

The rest of the review is just:

“It seems as though We Cheer 2 would have benefited greatly from Wii MotionPlus support to up the ante on control sensitivity. Why that wasn’t included is a mystery to me. “

A mystery to you? REALLY?! You mean it couldn’t have ANYTHING to do with the fact that development began LONG before Nintendo released the MotionPlus dev tools, or because the MotionPlus works so radically different from the regular controller that they would have had to redo all the motions in the song to support said MotionPlus and that with added control accuracy they’d actually ask YOU to be more accurate as well which you’re CLEARLY not fond of doing anyway? Let alone the fact that it would then be asking players to own not one but TWO MotionPluses! And all of THAT is COMPLETELY IGNORING THE FACT that FOR ONCE it’s entirely unnecessary!

Folks I guarantee this is basically gonna become the “My dog ate my homework!” of videogame reviewers. The fuckers never put any effort into Wii reviews ANYWAY and now basically all they’re gonna do when they’re handed a dreaded Wii game is check to see if it has MotionPlus support and if not? They just pop it in for 5 minutes, write the obvious, and bitch about the controls going “WHY DOESN’T IT SUPPORT MOTIONPLUS!”. Lord…this was what I was afraid of.

The sad thing is that it’s USUALLY true. The MotionPlus IS incredible and damn near everything would benefit from added MotionPlus support so it really does cover their asses most of the time. It’s still a piss poor excuse not to try.

The rest of the review is pretty ignorant as well, though there’s not alot left:

“The gameplay itself is more a waggle-centric rendition of Rock Band, minus the edgier track list. Instead you’ll find artists like Miley Cyrus fueling your cheers.”

Ugh. Their only similarities are that they’re the same damn genre. NO menion of EBA? REALLY?! He also completely overlooks the shocking amount of BALANCE in the soundtrack! It’s still a solid split between Disney channel stuff, cheerleading classics, and some surprise dance tracks.

It ends on an 6.5 whining about the controls and how this could have been a sleeper hit if they had worked. Guess what? THEY DO WORK and if I have my say in the matter it WILL be a sleeper hit, mark my words! >:O

…I guess that ended up longer than expected, huh?

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