Your Opinion Sucks: PS Move – Between a Rock and a Hard Place?

Let’s face facts: The Move, regardless of how well it works (which is incredible, by the way), is going to be fighting an uphill battle. Regardless, this opinion piece for Gamasutra hurts my head. While it makes some good points, it is also filled with double standards and misinformation. Let’s take a look:

“A little over a week ago, my wife fell asleep early when we were watching TV. I knew if I played Halo: Reach, it would likely get too loud, wake her up and I’d be in the doghouse for the rest of the weekend, so I figured this would be a good time to do some testing with the new motion control device for the PlayStation 3, the PlayStation Move.”

I’d just like to point out that this was a terrible idea. Motion control implies MOVING and as such you’d wake your wife up with it, be it the actual motions, the inevitable stomping sounds caused by said motions, or the big glowing ball on the end of the controller.

I’m just sayin’

“I had just set things up and was turning the system on when she woke up. She looked over at me, got a confused look on her face and asked, “Are you holding a vibrator?”

When I stopped laughing, I started thinking. If someone who pays absolutely no attention to the inside jokes of the gaming community automatically leaps to that conclusion, the Move could be in for a rough time with the mainstream world.

Aesthetics matter – especially when you’re pursuing the general audience. This isn’t news to Sony, which wisely dumped the George Foreman grill design of the PlayStation 3 for the slimmer model last year. But it’s a lesson the company seems to have forgotten when they were in the design phase for Move.”

Oh lord…you’re serious aren’t you? That’s right, the majority of the article is about how “looking like a dildo” is going to scare away audiences. Now there’s half a good point here, aesthetics DO matter and the Move’s somewhat bizarre shape and variety of fruity colors will turn people off. My point, however, is that ALL LONG OBJECTS LOOK LIKE DILDOS! Seriously, I remember when a friend of mine saw an old rusted 1950s flashlight and mistook it for a dildo. IT WAS FREAKING RUSTED, made of metal, and sitting in the middle of the dining room! Yes, of course it’s a dildo.

And speaking of double standards…

“Part of what has made the Wii so successful, beyond its introduction of a new way to play video games, is that the controller isn’t intimidating. It’s sleek, familiar and simple to understand – even for non-gamers.”

…and do you REALIZE how many dildo jokes were made about THAT? FOR FUCK’S SAKE IT’S CALLED THE WII! The freakin’ WII!

“Move, which takes pride in its inclusion of buttons, isn’t as intuitive – and that learning curve could frustrate some players and ultimately hurt future software sales.”

Actually the Move has LESS buttons than the Wiimote for the exact reason of appearing unintimidating! It doesn’t even have a d-pad!

“And having to calibrate the controller before every game is another step that’s bound to frustrate the mainstream player.”

*sigh* I knew that complaint would be brought up. I’m sorry but which is worse: having to calibrate your controller when you start a game up, or a controller that CAN’T TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LEFT AND RIGHT!

If nothing else, the wanton recalibration of Wii Sports Resorts doesn’t seem to have hurt it’s sales. Though, admittedly, being a sequel to Wii Sports also helped.

“There is, of course, a school of thought that Move isn’t meant for casual audiences – but instead more for the “tween” gamer, someone who’s ready to graduate from the Wii’s antiquated graphics and often simplistic play to a high definition system. Take-Two CEO Ben Feder, in fact, discussed that Tuesday at a Kaufman Bros L.P. Investor Conference.

“What Sony and Microsoft have really done with Kinect and Move — especially Move, is provide a bridge for guys that are used to playing the Wii system with the wand and bringing them over to a HD system,” he said.”

While not the writer’s fault I’d like to point out that this school of thought is really fucking stupid. The point of Motion Control isn’t being “intuitive” and “simplistic” but rather to add a greater degree of control, depth, and complexity to gaming. The beauty of it is that this incredible depth *IS* intuitive and as such can appeal to casuals as well as the hardcore. But that’s a topic for another day.

“Move’s pricing is steep – indicating Sony once again seems to be forgetting its missteps from earlier this generation. (PS3 sales only began to ramp up when the system’s price left the stratosphere.)

For people to get the complete Move controller set, which consists of the primary Move device, the navigation controller and a camera, they’ll have to spend $130. If two people wish to play cooperatively on the same machine, the price increases by another $50-$80. That’s not much incentive for current PS3 owners to pick one up – never mind the $400 bundle (plus another $30 for that navigation controller) for folks who don’t own the system.”

This is where things get dicey. First of all, the navigation controller is unnecessary. Few Move games use it and you can use a regular controller in it’s place as well (though that would be decidedly less comfortable). Secondly, the Move really isn’t much more expensive than a Wiimote. It’s the $30 camera that mucks with the price, but that’s a non-issue with the starter kit. I’d also like to remind you that a Move controller costs $5 less than a normal PS3 controller too. The big difference is that the Move doesn’t come with the system.

I won’t lie though: ALL controllers are preposterously overpriced this generation.

“With Kinect, Microsoft has never hidden the fact that it’s trying to extend the lifecycle of the Xbox 360 by several years. Sony has shied away from being that direct, but given the costs that went into developing the PS3 (and its mantra that PlayStation consoles have a 10 year life cycle), its goals are likely similar.”

This sentance comes immediately after the last one. Not only has Sony never really hid that it was hoping to extend the PS3’s life (or more accurately: It doesn’t need extending, it’s lasting 10 years anyway!) but this somehow justifies the fact that the Kinect costs significantly more? I mean okay I guess they’re even if you’re talking about how you don’t need any more controllers after the base Kinect but…well…let’s just say I don’t see multiplayer working well on the Kinect anyway.

The next part about the Move seeming derivative while the Kinect LOOKS fresh is unfortunately true though. It’s going to be difficult to explain to people how the Move is everything the Wiimote SHOULD have been.

“Just to be safe, though, the design team that did the system’s successful makeover might want to start working on some early sketches for Move 2.0.”

Good luck with that. The unfortunate truth is that the fruity colored ball on top of the controller is the secret to it’s success. It’s also probably impossible to pull people’s heads out of the gutter enough to make anything not look like a dildo.

I’m just sayin’!

Explore posts in the same categories: Your Review Sucks!

One Comment on “Your Opinion Sucks: PS Move – Between a Rock and a Hard Place?”

  1. […] if you want to see motion control as something more than a gimmick, the Move is the only way to go. Complain all you want about it’s unusual design, to me the Move is the ideal motion controller. Darn shame there’s practically nothing for […]

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